The Constitution of the Rhythm Nation of America

We the people of the Rhythm Nation, in order to form a more perfect Janetopia, break the color lines, join voices in protest, work together to improve our way of life, don’t like no nasty car and don’t like no nasty food, and lend our hand to help our brother do his best, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the Rhythm Nation of America.
As we all know Janet is in the workshop cooking up some fatbacks, hammocks, with Schlitz malt liquor, aka working on a new album. As more information comes in, we will see the return of the fair-weather fans, as well as a batch of new citizens who have seen the light of Janhova. So being a diamond plus club member of the Rhythmless Nation, I feel that it is my duty to spell out the rules, regulations, and requirements for the fans, stans, and new fans.

These guidelines are in no particular order. However I will make an effort to highlight the most crucial rules for being a Janet fan. I’ll try to keep some kind of format rather than just throwing rules together as I had planned. As follows:

Section One – The Music Videos Clause

1. THE NUMBER ONE REQUIREMENT FOR BEING A JANET FAN……
   
   
   Every Janet fan must know the “If” breakdown. This law is not up for debate. It is a requirement. Wherein one is a paraplegic or paralyzed on the left side of your body, that one better at least know the hand/arm movements. Do not question this rule. Doing so are grounds from exile from The Church. Stans are required to know the entire “If” routine.
2. It is unlawful for one to have a favorite Janet video. She is the owner of nearly 40 music videos, and a different look for each has been place into law. Whether if she’s breaking out an 8 count, or applying her Monistat 1 cream, you shall not have a favorite.
3. One shall know the choreographer for each video. Whether if it was the 90s with Tina, the 80s with Anthony and Paula, or Diamond from The Players Club, one shall know whom choreographed the work.
4. You will know Janet out-danced Michael in “Scream.” Contrary to popular belief, Janet handed Michael his ass.
5. You must know the choreography for at least one video per era. The requirement for entire video knowledge is plausible, however the powers granted by The Church requires one to know at least 75% of the video. One from Control, one from RN1814, one from Janet, and so on. My condolences go out to those who dropped the chair on their heads learning the chair routine from “Miss You Much.” Get well soon.
6. Citizens shall know Janet’s best videos are “Pleasure Principle,” “If,” “Rhythm Nation,” “Love Will Never Do (Without You),” and “Scream.”
7. Although at times it can be confusing, one shall know the concept/theme for the video. All are not required, but knowing most will add points to your fan/stan membership.
8. One should know the year of each video’s release. The “Dream Street” video is dismissible in that it is not the work of the Janet one has become accustomed to.

Section Two – The Music Clause

1. It is unlawful to not own every studio album. Be it on CD, cassette, vinyl, reel-to-reel, whatever. Own them.
2. As of section twelve, paragraph eight, one shall have compiled a list of his or her Top 10 favorite Janet Jackson songs. These included but are not limited to singles, album tracks, or unreleased tracks. Wherein each citizen has a list, The Church grants the power to the citizen to alter the list contingent upon how the citizen is feeling. One of which must be a signature Janet tune. If you don’t know her signature tracks, why are you a fan again?
3. You must be able to identify the theme in each song. Racism in “Rhythm Nation,” domestic abuse in “What About,” or that track about anal beads.
4. One shall know at least one album word for word. This includes the track and the interlude provided the album contains interludes. B-sides and remixes are enumerated by the people.
5. It is the duty of the citizen to be able to identify the theme of each album. Self independence of Control, social consciousness in Rhythm Nation 1814, etc.
6. One shall be acute to the genres for which Janet has explored. This includes pop, R&B, dance, techno, Negro spiritual, grunge, bluegrass, etc.
7. One shall be mindful that Janet is the only artist to be nominated in Pop, Rock, Rap, R&B, and Dance at the Grammy Awards.
8. You shall know for which whom has influenced the musical stylings of Janet’s music starting with her brothers.

Section Three – The Sales and Charts Clause

1. One shall be knowledgeable of 75% of Janet’s chart stats; collective knowledge of the Hot 100, R&B Chart, and Dance Chart.
2. One shall have knowledge in the area of #1 hits, the Top 10s, and the consecutive hits on each chart for the Hot 100. R&B Chart is encouraged as well. Knowledge of the Dance Chart is encouraged but not required.
3. One shall know that Janet has sold in the excess of 100 million albums in that Enron Island Def Jam reported in the calendar year 2008.
4. One shall know the sales for each album, Janet Jackson – Discipline. Being abreast to the sales of the remix albums and compilations albums is not required by the citizen(s).
5. One shall know how each song performed on the chart. Peak position is strongly enforced. Debut, chart run, and weeks on the chart are optional as well.
6. It is to the discretion of the citizen to know one or two stats for Billboard charts aside from the aforementioned. This includes a stat from Hot 100 airplay, Pop 100, Hot Singles, Billboard 200, etc.
7. You are not required to know the gold and/or platinum singles. However it is the duty of the citizen to know Janet has the most gold singles for a black female. If you happen to know them, you’ll get a smiley face on your homework.
8. You will know Janet ranked #7 on Billboard’s All-Time Hot 100 Artists. She is the most successful black female of the Hot 100 era (1958-2008).
9. It is useful for you to know chart information for other countries and the worldwide chart. This information is not enforced, but its knowledge is beneficial.

Section Four – The Awards Clause

1. One shall know that Janet owns the most Billboard Awards, as well as the now defunct Soul Train Awards.
2. One shall know Janet has the most VMAs for a black female, in addition to two MTV Movie Awards.
3. It is known Janet is the first MTV Icon. It is ordained by The Church that fan/stans keep this in mind.
4. In the course o 36 years, one shall know Janet, presented by an award show, is the owner of a legend award from the Billboard Awards, American Music Awards, Radio Music Awards, and others. Research them because I don’t feel like typing them. I have a violin recital in a couple of hours.
5. It is the duty of the citizen to make a note to check Janet’s award page on Wikipedia for any updates, or just to browse if you have nothing else to do.
6. It is found necessary and proper, for which a given fan/stan, shall be informed on which Janet is being awarded. Be it for sales, album, song, etc.

Section Five – The Etiquette Clause

1. One is required to carry themselves in such a manner in which Janet would. In a public setting no yelling, no coonery, no shopping at stores that still sells jellies, Dada Supreme apparel, and/or VCRs.
2. It is unlawful to brag to other flops in respects to the success of Janet. Janet has never let her success go to her head. Neither should you.
3. Do not go onto other stans’ message boards and throw shade. So for those of you on Sincerely Ciara bragging about Janet’s cooch delete your accounts. Those of you who are on Mariah Daily throwing shade about Janet still being able to perform live delete your account. Those of you who are on MJJC (Michael Joseph Jackson Community) bragging about Janet being born a black and will die black, please refrain from doing so. Janet is under contract to say Michael has vitiligo when asked by media outlets. And finally for those of you who are members of BW (Beyonce World) do not defend Janet against a stupid stan who thinks Janet was only relevant in 1993. Any slaying are rights enumerated by the people. We all know Janet has been bitch slapping since ’78.
4. Citizens of Rhythm Nation are required to have a registered account on Janet-Xone, Janet Jackson Forum (JJF), and Janet Media. Janet-Love, Janet-Journey, and Janet-Online are optional. Visit them periodically as some boards receive information before the others.
5. One shall never incite an altercation with another fan. The citizen shall deem it necessary to go into attack mode wherein the attacker has attacked on three separate occasions. We do not start fights. We finish them.
6. In the event of in which one goes into attack mode, please be aware of these accomplishments. Any additional accomplishments, records, and achievements should be stated contingent upon how pressed the attacker is.
7. In which one has become a Janet fan/stan, it is the duty of the fan/stan to retain his or her negative comments to his or herself. This includes but is not limited to the number of nasal procedures Michael has had, Beyonce continuing to allow Mama Tina to make her dresses, Whitney’s drug addiction, Mariah’s shot voice, 90s R&B Teen Queens’ irrelevance, Britney, Madonna, and Rihanna’s lack of talent, and Chris Brown’s right hook-uppercut combo.
8. In which a fan/stan takes notice of an artist, whereby an artist is using something Janet did earlier, one shall refer to such as INSPIRATION. It is only stealing when in attack mode.
9. In the event of a disapproval of an artist, presented by another fan/stan, who is not a member of the Rhythm Nation, do not downplay that artists’ accomplishments. In which that artist has sold an impressive amount of albums, or hold the Guinness World Record for fucking for tracks, do not dismiss their accomplishments.
10. It is ordained by The Church in which each citizen owns a minimum three pieces of Janet memorabilia. This does NOT include digital media (CDs, DVDs, etc). Magazines, tour books, posters, key chains, etc are all acceptable forms of memorabilia.
11. It is unlawful for which one posts false information about Janet to get The Church riled up. This includes fallacious track listings, tour set lists, etc. In which one does such action, all parties involved in the transgression will result in immediate suspension from The Church. The length in which the suspension lasts is dependent upon the nature of your crime.
12. During periods of inactivity (periods between albums and/or movies), it is necessary and proper to post any mentionings of Janet. Her name being mentioned in an article, an album being on a countdown, happy stories, a new blog *wink* are all examples.
13. Lend a hand to help your brother do his best. It is the duty of the citizen, in which a fan/stan is in need of a remix, instrumental, a cappella, etc please do your best to get it to them in a timely manner. Or if a fan is in need of assistance getting to a concert venue, do not be afraid to help. I urge you to do a background check and run a credit score before doing so.
14. It is unlawful to boast. One shall not carry themselves in such that Janet is the alpha and omega of music. Be it that she has parted the Red Sea, conducted a NASA space mission, and invented the vaccination to prevent polio, one shall not boast about her accomplishments.
15. It is the right of the fan/stan to have such a sense of superiority over the fair-weather fans. Such stan/fan has been a fan in times of peace, as well as times of turmoil. You deserve it.
16. Do not take Janet too seriously. If you befriend someone behind Janet, there is a problem. Not with you, but the friend. If your “friend” was your friend then he/she/shim should have known to respect your artist of choice (Janet), and to not bash her. Though it does seems shallow to some, but Janet’s music has saved, changed, and inspired lives around the world. Her music has prevented some from committing suicide, and that person may understand Janet on another level, versus someone who learned how to give fellatio from listening to “Warmth.”
    
    
    
    Done in Convention by the Unanimous Consent of the States present the Twenty-fourth Day of May in the Year of our Lord two thousand and nine and of the Independence of the Rhythm Nation of America the Eighteen-Fourteenth. In Witness whereof We have hereunto subscribed our Names
    
    Janetopia: All Things Perfect
    
    
    
    

If you see any points to which that would amend the constitution, please leave your comments below and they will be amended in the Bill of Rhythm. In the course of 36 years, it is possible Janet is the second most awarded female behind Whitney Houston.