Chellur

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whatever time of day it is when you read this. Let me just first start off by saying that I don't expect many of you to take this seriously. This is just a means for me to express my admiration for Janet Jackson...and to share my life experiences under the blessings of Janhova. However some are bound to get pressed. We'll just ignore them and let them get frustrated behind their Toshiba's and Hughes Net Wi-Fi. I am your average college student with too much time on my hands. And with school out for the semester, I really don't have anything to do. Grades? Well at a black school, your grades are posted whenever the professor decides to push away from the bar, and get back to the office to submit your grades.

Anywho, hello. *happy face* As you can see I love Janet Jackson. For the sake of my laziness, I’ll refer to Janet Jackson as Janhova. Yeah I could just call her Janet, but that’s so cliché. Ever since I stepped my K-Mart game up from Mossimo to Faded Glory, I’ve been rather saditty. Ordering off the $1.29 menu at Taco Bell, rather than the $0.99 menu at that tired Taco Mac, walking around with Starbucks cups…you know the stuff the working class does to look important. So yes, like I said I love Janhova. Why you may ask? I really don’t feel like answering this, but since my violin recital isn’t for another few hours I guess I have time:


First and foremost, Janet is a great person.

Yes, she called her ex-choreographer a stupid bitch repeatedly in one of her songs. But hey, who hasn’t? Just look at the medical records of all of Naomi Campbell’s past employees. And yes Janet has pistoled whipped LaToya a few times. But then again LaToya shouldn’t have taken the last Church’s biscuit at the Jackson Family Reunion. But in all seriousness, Janet is a great person. Throughout her career, you have never heard any reports of Janet being a demanding diva. She has never bragged about her success, or let her success go to her head like Mariah’s did after The Emancipation of Mimi was released. She even donates to charitable organizations, whilst her brothers’ homes go into foreclosure. She’s a lady who has displayed poise, elegance, and grace for the past 36 years.


Janet makes great music.

Where do we start? Control? Velvet Rope? Janet: Remixed? Nahn, let’s start with Janet’s best album to date….Dream Street. Where would Janet be without this album? On an escapade? Lost in disturbia? A better place is for damn sure because without the lead single and “Pretty Boy,” that album is travelling down a boulevard of broken dreams. Janet has crafted some of the best songs this generation has seen. From teaching kids the importance of an education, to letting everyone know it’s okay to have sex in public. She’s always tackling the important issues. Her albums are a story book of life, making it easier to relate to her music. The need for control teenagers feel, the necessity to change the world with rhythm nation, or overcoming personal issues behind the velvet rope, Janet’s heart is always in the right place. She’s got a song about everything. A song about sex, she’s got it. A song about racism, she’s got it. A song about the nuclear proliferation of Iran, she’s got it.


Janet is a great artist.

There’s no deny her art. The way she combines R&B and Pop, Dance with Bluegrass, and Rap with Alternative Christian, remains unparalleled. Her music videos are among the best. I have yet to see a video today that can compare to the stage presence of Pleasure Principle. Nor has any female released a video that can send a population of 12 year olds into puberty. Janet pushed the envelope and broke barriers. Rhythm Nation 1814, and Velvet Rope were both ahead of their time. No one was bold enough to openly speak out about AIDS, S&M, homosexuality, depression like Janet did on Velvet Rope. The album was socially unacceptable, and Virgin wanted Janet to change the lyrics. A&M was sketchy about Rhythm Nation 1814. Never before had a pop artist expressed socially conscious issues in mainstream music. But she was a defiant little tramp. She told them hoez no. She even had Tina and Buckey keep the blades in their purses, and one under the lacefront just in case the record execs wanted to pop off at the mouth. Well, she got her way. And America got two practically flawless albums. We have seen artists like Usher, Britney, Beyoncé, Ciara stealing copying drawing inspiration from formulas used in Janet albums, artistry displayed in her videos, 8-counts, and overall etiquette. The fact that people are still looking to work she did while artists of today were still hooked on phonics is a testament of greatness.


Janet teaches you the necessities of life.

I’ve been a devout member of the Rhythm Nation since 1993, 16 years strong. I’ve been with Janet through thick, and thin, literally. She let’s you experience the ups and downs of life. When I see pictures of her driving her $100,000 Porsche, I look at my bus pass in a whole new light. I know that there are always going to be people who are better than me. Even when Janet makes stupid choices, I stand by her. As fans, stans, and fair-weather fans, we stand by Janet when she’s selling millions, and when she’s selling hundreds. All while teaching us that life isn’t always going to be riveting with excitement. Feast your eyes on this spectacle:



Take notice of Janet’s purse. When I see Janet rocking a $2000 Louis Vuitton handbag, I look at my $20 wallet from Loehmann's and learn to stand tall in my Wrangler jeans and Keds. It’s not everyday you see someone as fashion forward as such. She has taught her fans that she will always be more famous than us. She will always have more money than us. And lastly, she will always weigh more than us, and somehow manage to lose it three weeks before the video shoot.

Janet is an inspiration.

During the 80s, few black artists were slowly crossing over to the pop world. The almighty Michallah Jackson was the first to break the barrier for MTV to play black artists' videos. At this time Michael was still black, so he still had some credibility with the knee grows. It wasn't until 1986 that we saw a black female artist finally make it big in the pop world (well two if you count Godney Houston). Growing up, who didn't wanna be one of Janet's backup dancers? She has inspired a generation to dance. Her songs have encouraged nappy head chillun our youth to get back into school. For many young people, particularly blacks, Janet has been the model for success since the 70s. We saw a black woman taking chances, breaking down barriers, and opening doors for blacks in the industry. She is who record lables are molding their artists to become.


Anywho, Janet’s birthday is coming up pretty soon, May 16th to be exact. Now some stans need to understand Janet’s birthday is not a nationally recognized holiday. Therefore please do not treat it as such. The last thing you want is to get fired from your job midway through the “If” breakdown. With May 16th afoot, I took the liberty of calling every Golden Corral in the tri-state area and warned the chef Janet may make a cameo. She’ll be accompanied by the Travelocity gnome. She’s going to be 43, and the media will be reporting her 13th pregnancy since last December.

So in closing, now you understand why there is so much admiration for Janhova Jackson. For the past 36 years she has been making her mark in music, movies, television, and more to come, if the hussy will ever get that lingerie line out. Becoming one of the best selling music artists in history, and the second most successful female artist behind beetlejuice Madonna. Maybe one day you’ll disown your favorite artist and step into the light…the light of our lawd and savoir Janhova Jackson.