Don’t Let Your Eyes Deceive You

Well let me start off by saying Happy New Year to all you chirrens of the world. I know it’s been quite some time since the last post, but I’ve been very busy trying to get my life in order. In addition to the Rhythmless Headquarters getting evicted for not paying the rent and we have Latoya in the Accounts Receivable department to thank for that. But the good news is we’re back in the business. We’ve got a new year, a new look, and a new attitude. So I want to start off the post with some more insightful, rather than the typical coonery and buffoonery we here at the Rhythmless Headquarters do on a daily basis. Disclaimer #1: yes, I am stealing comments from the boards. If you happen to see a comment you made on a board, feel free to point it out in the comments section. Sue us. We don’t care.

So as we all know Janet is releasing a new album this spring. But recent events have made this year rather problematic for Janet fans. The death of Michael Jackson has stirred up banter about Janet being an opportunist, and using his death as a means to return her to her past glory. Anyone with common sense knows Janet is the last Jackson to do such a thing. When has she ever used Michael’s name to promote herself? Being a Jackson, or Mike’s little sister surely didn’t help sell those first two albums (although “You’ll Never (Find A Love Like Mine)” and “If It Takes All Night” are my jams). Sure being a member of the Jackson family helped Janet get her foot in the door in many places, but the name only goes so far. Just look at the other Jacksons not having flourishing music careers. Talent, drive, and determination are what led Janet to the point she is at now. If she didn’t need the family then, more than likely she doesn’t need them now. She’s been doing fine. But in my travels around the boards, I’ve seen the usual ignorance being posted. My fellow Janet fans and stans, my mind’s tired, my soul is weak, and my intelligence is suffering. The comments from certain people leave me wondering why some are even allowed near a computer. I won’t go into details, but the Michael fans, I love you because we are a family, but give it a break. The comments like “Janet is using Michael...”, “the family is using Michael...”, “the Social Security Administration is out to get Michael...”, "Al-Qaeda is using Michael...", etc has run its course. It is time stop pointing the finger at everyone else like everything is everyone else’s fault. The main reason why some of you have such distaste for Janet is because she said Michael had a drug addiction in her ABC Interview in November. You all have not been the same since then. I’m sure had she LIED and said Mike didn’t have a drug addiction, you all would be worshiping the ground she walked on. I’m sure if she and the family locked themselves up in Hayvenhurst and chose not to speak on the situation you’d accuse the family of being insensitive. It makes me wonder if the shoe was on the other foot would everything still be the same. What if Janet had died on June 25, 2009 and Michael postponed This Is It. You’d be up in an uproar. What if Michael still chose to do the concerts? Would you accuse him of being insensitive and not grieving enough for Janet? I’m sure you wouldn’t. I’m baffled as to how you can tell someone how to grieve the loss of a sibling. Janet can’t just stop her life and her career. Was that what you were hoping for? What about her fans? If you’re still grieving, I send my condolences to you, I’m still sad myself. But don’t patronize others just because YOU are still going through the emotions and others aren’t. Some people get over things faster than others. Disclaimer #2: if you just so happen to post this one of Michael’s boards, once you do, log off immediately, change your IP address, and purchase a new computer because those Mike fans will hunt you down.

Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, we can move on.

Well I can say lately good old Janet-Xone has been what it has always been…a bunch of young adults thinking they can give Janet career advice. The old EMI Board is still a zoo full of wild animals. I actually made 20 posts in the past month, a record. But today, I want to speak to Janet’s younger fans. And sadly, I might even be speaking to some of her older fans who have selective amnesia. I don’t really know where to start, but just take the ride, it’s an escapade. Hopefully somewhere into the post I’ll start to make sense.

Janet Damita Jo Jackson has been in the entertainment industry since April 1973, a period of nearly 37 years. In 1982, Janet began her music career, and it expanded form that year, to 2010. Within those 28 years, Janet put 27 songs in the Top 10 on the Hot 100, sold over 100 million albums, got arrested for petty theft at Sears, won hundreds of awards, and blazed a trail. She has blessed the world with groundbreaking music videos, amazing choreography, performed on stages around the world, and released albums that have defined music. Yes, we can say our girl has paid her dues. Don’t except Janet to do what younger mainstream artists are doing. Sure we want Janet to have massive radio airplay, win all the awards, and sell millions of albums. But the reality is, Janet has already achieved those feats. There’s no need for her to have songs on radio. Radio already considers her a legend. There’s no need for her to sell more albums, she’s already sold over 100 million of them. Putting Janet in the shoes of today’s artist is a step down from all she’s accomplished, regardless of however big the biggest artist(s) of today is/are. The anti-Janet fans like to limit her success to this decade to compare their faves to Janet. But that’s the beauty of it. Janet has success spanning three (soon to be four) decades, while other girls have only one. *withholds my laughter* They way I see it is, if Janet’s records and achievements haven’t been broken or matched, they will forever be relevant. Janet put 7 songs in the Top 5 with Rhythm Nation 1814. Indeed it was 20 years ago, but since that record has YET to be broken or even matched, it is still very relevant today…and will continue to be relevant until an artist breaks it. This in reality will never happen.


The other reality is that Janet, at this point, is past her prime. We need to understand that. Janet’s time in the spotlight is over. Every artist goes through it. You have your success, you peak, and then you slowly decline. That’s the way love goes. There’s no need to chase the fame Janet owned during her hay-day. You have to give the younger artists a chance to make their careers and make their place in history. Everything you see today’s artists doing, Janet has been there done that. Sure the haters can call Janet a has been. They’re absolutely right. Janet has been wherever today’s artists are and wherever they’re going, and probably did it better than them. The Discipline Era didn’t go over so well. But that’s bound to happen when the label exec has a business degree from the University of Phoenix. Let’s be happy Janet was able to tour. Some artist can’t even tour family picnics, let alone arenas and stadiums. Janet did 37 songs for 3 hours. Most artists can only put together a set list of 20 hits, give or take, and doesn’t even have to reach back into a group’s catalog to fill the show *whistles*. Actually let me rephrase that, artists can only put together a set list of 20 SONGS, give or take. I forgot a HIT was a song peaking in the Top 10.

Let us celebrate the fact that Janet is winning multiple “Legend” and “Lifetime Achievement” awards from major award shows. The Greatest Hits compilation is a testament of her work. There aren’t too many artists who can have a TWO DISC SET of 33 NUMBER ONE hits. And if you’re really a fan, you know that Janet has had way more than 33 #1 global hits. Janet has been praised by MTV, Vogue, BET, Michael Jackson, Stevie Wonder, Jesus Christ, Rolling Stone, Q Magazine, the Recording Academy (that’s the Grammys for the slow ones), and many more. We’re in good company. Janet’s musical peers are Michael, Prince, Madonna, Whitney, Mariah, Celine, and Anita Baker. The artists today have a home wrecker, a woman beater, a copy cat, a punching bag, and an unfit parent as musical peers. Janet is in a new space in 2010 (and yes I did just reference the AFY Era catchphrase). Janet Jackson is in her legendary transition period. She’s a new legend, and Oprah will agree.

So moving on, as we all know Janet is creating an album that will end the fighting in Israel. And as you know when Janet is out, the anti-Janet fans are out to hate. Naturally we like to defend our girl, but there are just some times when you let the sheep be lost in the wilderness. When debating with anti-Janet fans, understand the levels of security, and know when to back away. Thus we here at the Rhythmless Headquarters, after careful research, have constructed the following chart:









We here at the Headquarters will adjust the pressed level accordingly. We are working directly with the Department of Homeland Security to monitor how pressed anti-Janet fans are in over 118 countries. As you can see the lower levels represent minor Janet. This type of hate is general caused by candid and public appearances. The second level indicates anti-Janet fans who are a bit more perturbed. This is caused by news such a magazine articles and such. The third stage is a bit more worrisome caused by major television interviews/appearances on shows like Oprah, Good Morning America, Snuggies infomercials, etc. The fourth stage is when you should start backing away. The anti-Janet fan is hating at wind speeds over 140 mph. Janet must be snatching wigs. By the 5th and final stage, it is then you need to call Pope John Paul II and have him perform an exorcism. Janet must REALLY be giving it to the girls. This is caused by all four lower level stages coming together and wreaking havoc on the pop world. Again, just back away.

So my dear Janet Jackson fans, stans, anti-Janet fans, and casual fans, we’re in a new space. We’re legendary right along with Janet herself. Although Janet hasn’t had the success as her peers, she has still made her mark on the world and the industry. She has sold albums. She has had hits. She has won awards. She has danced until her feet were sore. She has walked on water. She has done it all. She has given us a lot of bragging rights. The only thing for us to do is to kick back and enjoy the blessings this woman has given us over the past 37 years.