An Analysis of the Beyoncé Hater

Hello all out there in the world of divas and single ladies.

Taking a break from glorifying the life form we know as Ms. Janet Jackson, I wanted to talk about the woman we know as Beyoncé. Given that Beyoncé is all us Janet fans have right now, considering Janet’s absence, I figured I could do a post about her. I dig Beyoncé, she’s not necessarily one of my faves, but I give the girl her credit. With that said, I’ve come across a myriad of haters. They seem to come in drones whenever Beyoncé is doing something. I’ve sat back and analyzed them, and I think I’ve got them down. So here’s my profile analysis of the Beyoncé hater:


Basic Info

Name: Beyoncé hater

DOB: June 24, 2003
Age: fetus – death
Weight: let’s keep it cute
Height: 4’11 – 6’3
Aliases: [irrelevant female artist] fan/stan
Favorite music: anything but Beyoncé including but not limited to Alicia Keys, Brandy, Khia, Mandy Moore, Olivia Newton-John, Madonna, Mary Wells, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, and Anne Murray
Favorite Films: Mama I Just Want To Sing, Coach Carter, Double Platinum


Synopsis

To quote Beyoncéitis in a loose interpretation, “only attractive gay men like Beyoncé. Unattractive gay men prefer other artists.”

Here we have conflicting reports. Black gay men love Beyoncé, attractive ones that is. White gay men like Madonna and think Britney Spears has talent. But for the demographic, we will talk about black men and women, both straight and gay.

The female Beyoncé hater is often unattractive, a platinum plus member of the itty bitty titty committee, and has a bad case of halitosis. She is often seen wearing denim skorts, peep toe Candies, and low grade outré premium yaki. The female hater is often a fan of a female artist who happens to be a Beyoncéitis casualty: Ashanti, Monica, Brandy, Mya, etc. Or perhaps a fan of who they think is “real” artist that makes “real” music such as Jazmine Sullivan, Chrisette Michele, Mary J. Blige, etc. The female hater thinks everything about Beyoncé is fake. Her hair, nails, personality, rib cage, etc.


The male Beyoncé hater is usually a fan of an 80s diva most youth wouldn’t know today such as Stephanie Mills, Patrice Rushen, or Teena Marie. And not even a fan of one of the bad ones like Janet, Whitney, or Sade. The male hater often finds it necessary to compare their 80s diva to Beyoncé whenever Beyoncé has something good going for her. A clear sign of insecurity if you ask me. The male Beyoncé hater is like the female. (S)He is often a fan of another Beyoncéitis victim, in addition to the 80s diva. His hate is more out of jealousy because he secretly desires his favorite artist to see the success Beyoncé is enjoying.


Common Excuses/Scapegoats

Beyoncé wins an award:

“Matthew must’ve paid for it. You know he’s on the Grammy board of voters.”

Beyoncé’s fan base increases:

“Only gays and women like her. They’re the majority.”

Beyoncé’s albums sell:

“Matthew must be buying up those albums.”

A Beyoncé song on the charts:

“LOL! Beyoncé can’t even make it into the Top 50.” [the song makes it into the Top 50] “LOL! Beyoncé can’t even make it into the Top 10.” [the song makes it into the Top 10] “LOL! Beyoncé can’t even make it to #1” [the song makes it to #1] “I wonder how much Matthew is paying the radio stations to play that crap.”

Beyoncé gets songwriting credit:

“She doesn’t write. She steals. She adds the word 'the', and she gets songwriting credit. *eye roll* That’s why Ne-Yo called her out on Irreplaceable.”


The general gist is that Matthew is the driving force behind her career. He buys her awards, participates in payola, and makes all the money. If Matthew did buy her awards, wouldn’t she have almost every award possible? Wouldn’t she have her Oscar and her Tony? Is it her fault the closest their faves will come to the Academy Awards in an online stream from their Acer laptops?


The Beyoncé hater will go to great lengths to find something hate on.

The hate includes, but is not limited to: singing, dancing, performing, wardrobe, hair, make up, knitting skills, DNA make up, skeletal structure, or the way she places the napkins in the glove compartment. They will complain about her eyelashes not being perpendicular to her sternum.

When Beyoncé falls short on something, i.e. not selling out 100%, they’ll use the “I thought she was the #1 diva in this game” line to justify their hate. Speaking of selling out, whenever Beyoncé gets positive reviews, sells out 100%, or sets/breaks a record for selling tickets, the Beyoncé hater will find a way to hate by saying something along the lines of “well she can’t selling out like so-and-so”. *snaps for the kids for the irrelevance*


Speaking of Forbes, (I know no one was talking about Forbes but whatever) the Beyoncé hater is often silent during these times. When the list(s) are released, Beyoncé is usually in the Top 10, but as of late, Top 5. It is here where the Beyoncé hater has to scramble for something hate on. They’ll find House of Deréon’s profits from the last quarter, Google some hate, or bring up something from the past such as the falling down the steps, the Destiny’s Child scandal, or even the fight she and Kelly had over who gets the last Church’s biscuit back in 1995. The first move is they’ll say “she has to do those things to make up for it with her poor album sales.” Usually that doesn’t work because it’s been used before. Next, they’ll say…well after that they don’t really have anything to say. And when all else fails, they’ll compare to her the person who is #1 on Forbes that year (which is usually Oprah).


However the Beyoncé hater does come in handy at times. You can always count on the Beyoncé hater to find out something about Beyoncé of which the fan was unaware. Did you know a Beyoncé hater found Beyoncé’s medical records and noticed she missed a hepatitis shot when she was 4 years old? She also failed to turn in her double-digit math homework back on March 8, 1994. And not only that, she filed her taxes late in 2004. You can depend on the Beyoncé hater to know her every move. He/she keeps up with Beyoncé more than the fans do. If you ever need a 60 second recap of Beyoncé’s life in the past 24 hours, the Beyoncé hater is your go-to guy. ;-)

Whenever their faves release a song, it’s always going to “shut down the game,” and/or “end Beyoncé’s career”. And when the song fails to even make the Amazon.com chart, the Beyoncé hater will also use another artists accomplishments to try and hate. They will milk another artist of relevance to not look stupid whenever their faves fall short.

Example:

Beyoncé hater: this new Adina Howard is about to end Beyoncé’s career.

*some weeks past by*

Beyoncé fan: so what happened to that Adina Howard song?

Beyoncé hater: Matthew paid the radio stations not to play it so “Sweet Dreams” would get all the airplay. Because he’s shady like that. You see what happened with Kelly leaving Music World. But that’s okay, Beyoncé better watch out for Mariah’s “Obsessed”. LOL Beyoncé will never be Mariah.

The purpose of the hate is to somehow belittle the blessings Beyoncé has bestowed upon us. The idea is to not give credit where credit is due. Unfortunately it may take her untimely passing before she gets it. Though some hate has seen little impact, most hate has been rather unsuccessful like Fantasy Ride. Whenever the hate is thick, it manages to backfire and Beyoncé is taken to another level (no passenegers on her plane, by the way). The hate possibly stems from jealousy, resentment, having nothing else to do, and just recreational hating. The projections for the next 10 years are only expected to increase. The House of Deréon projected 50 million haters by the year 2012. However as Beyoncé continues to grow, the numbers will increase drastically. So in closing, going around to different boards and seeing comments on different blogs, it’s almost impossible to get a complete analysis of the Beyoncé hater because the hate comes in various forms

http://hateonbey.blogspot.com/

http://hateonbeyonce.blogspot.com/

http://weallhateonbeyonce.blogspot.com/

http://clutchmagonline.com/lifeculture/feature/top-15-reasons-people-hate-beyonce/#1

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