You're probably wondering why I’m making a post about Beyoncé, on a Janet blog. Well, to be honest, I really don’t have an answer. I just feel like doing it. Don’t fret, there will be another Janet post coming soon. Now that she has put down the fork, and picked up Atkins, she’s actually been doing something with her life. So there's something to blog about. #noshadeatJanet
I did a post like this about Janet (click here) a while ago. And I got a request to do another for Janet. But I didn't want to be repetitive. So I opted out. Besides I just couldn't come up with any other reasons why people hate on Janet. But let's get back to Beyoncé. Recently Beyoncé decided to release one more video as a thank you to her fans for making “Why Don’t You Love Me” reach #1 on the dance chart, and to get the haters up in arms one last time before she decides to retire the Sasha Fierce lacefront. The past year and a half have been good to Beyoncé. I Am…Sasha Fierce won 6 Grammys (the most for a female in a single night), “Single Ladies” became an international sensation, and Beyoncé saved 15% on her car insurance by switching to Geico. As the I Am…Sasha Fierce era comes to a close, we want to look back at why Beyoncé experienced the hate she endured. With the Beycession afoot, I, along with House of Deréon interns in the armadillo skin handbags division, conducted extensive research to give an analysis of why people hate Beyoncé. These are our findings:
1. She can’t keep her balance
When Beyoncé first began her solo career we knew her as a music artist. After a few albums, movies, endorsements, and space missions, Beyoncé had morphed into more than just a music artist. She became a music artist, an actress, a spokesperson, and even Dutch cattle herder. She is all over the place. She’s on the radio. She’s on television. She’s in your thesaurus. She’s on your mind. She doesn’t know what the hell she wants to be. Everything she does, she is successful, whether if it is music, movies, television, endorsements, architecture, or transmission repair. She has yet to fail in any of her ventures. Three back to back multi-platinum albums. A top 5 hit 7 years running. Box office smash after box office smash. Tour after tour, Forbes after Forbes. The woman is a force to be reckoned with, and doesn’t show any signs of stopping. But you know the other kids just can’t take. Whenever Beyoncé has success at something, there are those who just can’t be happy for her. To mask the love, shade is thrown. Hate is spewed. Mass suicide is committed. Let us remember, during the Second Punic War when Janet and Whitney became stars, Black women did not have these opportunities. So “we” need to be thankful for that we have an African-American WOMAN bitch slapping the industry left and right.
2. She won’t sit down
Every time you turn on the TV, Beyoncé is there. A promo for the limited rerelease deluxe premium edition B’day Anthology video box set will flash across the screen. And you sit and wonder how that is remotely relevant to the infomercial you are watching about the Magic Bullet. Everywhere you turn, Beyoncé is there. And at every turn, people are asking Beyoncé to sit down, have some babies, gain weight, whatever. Beyoncé sitting down is going to help your favorite flops sell records. Beyoncé sitting down isn’t going to make us like your favorite flops any more, or even give them a chance. Beyoncé sitting down isn't going to help your favorite flops win any awards. Award committees will continue to pay them the same dust Billboard is paying their singles. A #1 song on the Twitter bubbling under chart is nothing to brag about. Beyoncé sitting down isn’t going to cure cancer. You beg and plead for her to sit down, yet you tune in to all of appearances, watch her interviews, watch her performances, and have e-fights on YouTube in the comments section, you listen to her music. You frequently bring her name up in situations that don't call for it. You use her name to promote your flop activities/events. I guess you only want Beyoncé when it's convenient for you. That's not the way love goes. So the best thing YOU can do is sit down, close your mouth, and continue to let Beyoncé hammer the nails on the coffin containing your fave’s career (given your fave still has a career).
3. She has a gym membership
To be Alicia, requires piano skills. To be Britney, requires a social worker. To be Beyoncé, requires brute strength. When you're at the top, you have several people below trying to bring you down. You take more blows than Rihanna or Cassie (double shade, catch it). Everyone has to compare whatever someone is doing to Beyoncé. If someone is singing, that person is a better singer than Beyoncé. If someone is dancing, that person is a better dancer than Beyoncé. If someone is sleeping, that person is a better sleeper than Beyoncé. Just look at how relaxed her face is. And notice how the heart pumps oxygen and blood to the chin muscles? Beyoncé could never. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, my spirit has been torn. If you have to compare someone to Beyoncé, doesn't that mean Beyoncé is the one to beat? And if you have to compare someone to Beyoncé, doesn't that take away from the person? It's like what that person is doing isn't good enough to stand on its own two feet.So you have to compare it to Beyoncé for ankle support? Stans will attack with any possible ammunition to bring down Beyoncé. When “Rude Boy” went #1, the Rihanna stans acted like bats on acid. When The Tribute Tour To Madonna Britney's Circus Tour out grossed the I Am…Tour, the Britney stans were released from their straight jackets. These stans took shots at Beyoncé left and right. But let's look at this in perspective. What does Britney have over Beyoncé other than album sales and tour gross? What does Rihanna have over Beyoncé other than #1 hits? What does Alicia have over Beyoncé other than her ability to play the piano? Same for P!nk, Ashanti, Ciara, and even Keri Hilson. Beyoncé has the World Music Award’s Legend Award. Where is Britney’s, with all those albums she has sold? Beyoncé has the American Music Award’s International Excellence Award. Where's Rihanna’s? Beyoncé has the NRJ Music Awards Greatest Artist of the Decade Award. Where is Alicia’s? Beyoncé has 16 Grammys. Where are P!nk’s? When is Ciara going to perform for The President? Hell, can she even perform for the president of a PTA at this point? All these females are supposed to be better than Beyoncé right? Why can't they keep up? Where are their distinguished awards? Where are Rolling Stone, Billboard, NPR, and the Grammy board praising their work? Where are legends such as Diana Ross, Tina Turner, Whitney, Janet, Bono, Aretha, Michael, Donna Summer, The Obamas, and many others praising the other girls’ talent or work(s)? Where are they on the charts? Again, these girls are supposed to be “better” than Beyoncé right? Don't get me wrong, those girls are great talents (minus Rihanna), but I hope you see the point I’m make here. Beyoncé has the sales, the awards, the critical acclaim, the tour gross, the respect, the income, the movie gross, the praise, and the hits to back up her ego. The other girls only have two or three of the aforementioned items. And I’m not here for short comings.
4. We gave her a mile, and she went light year
Back in 2003, we thought it was okay to let a Black chick with blond hair and thunder thighs get a hit or two. She wouldn't over shine her peers. She wouldn't last too long. She wouldn't do what the fast girls do. We couldn't have been any more wrong. We let her swing her lacefront one too many times, and her cerebral cortex went into overdrive. She became a massive worldwide phenomenon. She racked up hit after hit, and sold an impressive amount of albums and singles. She won awards for singing, music videos, knitting, and philanthropy. She set a standard for what it means to be a performer in the 2000s. She doesn't need to wear household appliances, do a trapeze act, or fall while doing nothing on stage to keep your attention. She goes a little further than most performers by making the most obscure facial expressions, fires people on stage, and even does the dutty wine on stage. She conceptualizes her music videos and understands they are a visual extension of the song. Something she learned from the video greats – Michael, Madonna, and Janet. Mass critical acclaim and 16 Grammys ranging from R&B to pop to best traditional bluegrass vocal can make even the most devout haters speechless. She always goes a little further does a little extra just to satisfy her audience. We tell her to sing, and she peels our wigs back. We tell her her album sucks, and she wins 5 Grammys. We tell her there's no more spicy wings, and she has a Linda Blair moment. Beyoncé continues to exceed our expectations. It also doesn't help that she has a heart of gold, is well mannered, and treats others the way she wants to be treated.We thought it would be okay to let her snatch a few wigs here and there. We didn't know she was going to snatch wigs, weaves, laces, new growth, prom, and baby hair.
5. She's an around the way girl
Beyoncé comes full circle. She's an all around talent. People can hate all they want, but they can't deny that she can sing. They can't say she can't dance. They can't say she can't put on a show. Because then they would be lying. And I'm not here for that. She is one of the most versatile performers that has walked the globe. Her peers will always take the back seat. P!nk is a good performer, but no one at the BET Awards would want to see her. Gaga can't perform at the Kennedy Center Honors. There just isn't enough room on stage for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade floats she has on stage to compensate for her lack of stage presence. Alicia is fine...until she steps from behind the piano. And when performing on the South Lawn at the White House, the last thing you want to do is make an awkward impression on foreign leaders. Rihanna, well, [5 minutes goes by], well only Rihanna…well. You get what I'm saying. None of them embody Beyonce’s versatility. Not only in performing, Beyoncé can sing pop, R&B, dance, hip-hop, sign language, grunge, and blues. She has employed and mixed genres of music and drug your faves effortlessly. She has pop hits. She has R&B hits. She has up-tempo hits. She has ballad hits. The only hits she doesn’t have are Whitney’s and Rihanna’s. #shade. Your faves will be lucky if they can even get their singles on the Hot 100 waiting list. The only time some artists will see a #1 is on their iTunes play counts.
6. She has a militia
Beyoncé exercises her Third Amendments right daily. She keeps the troops out of her house, and on the field. And by troops, I mean fans. Part of the reason why you hate Beyoncé is because more than likely you tried to break cute with one of her fans, and your ass got read your First Amendment, Civil, and Miranda Rights all in one sitting. You tried to say Beyoncé stole a song. Only for a fan to sit your happy-go-lucky fat neck ass back down in your seat with facts. You tried to come for Beyonce’s singing. And all a Beyoncé stan had to do was post her Grammys for vocal performance to shut you up. You tried to pop off when you thought no one was looking. And then a stan came along and told you what you could do with it, and where you could stick it. Just when you thought you shut down a Beyoncé fan, that fan comes back with a Reuters article, three YouTube videos, a full page magazine scan, two press releases, a Google Books link with referenced page numbers, and notarized FBI documentation that Beyoncé did or did not do whatever you are accusing her of. Oh and don’t think they had to search for them, because they have them bookmarked in their favorites on their internet browser. Beyoncé stans are bred and raised in a top secret location, and sent out in the field service for duty. They are dedicated fans who will defend Beyoncé to the end of the day. And it is for that reason why Beyoncé continues to give 110% every day of the week.
So in closing, take this all in. Tell your mama, tell your friends, tell anyone whose heart can comprehend. Understand that your hate is not biological, but psychological. Just when you thought you hated Beyoncé for another reason, no, you don’t. It’s for one of the abovementioned reasons. It may be a tough pill to swallow, but there are some things you need to accept. And Beyoncé dragging your faves this past decade one way or another is one of them.
BASK.